Didn't She Almost Have It All

Okay, this is hysterical.

An American Airlines flight from the one and only L.A. en route to JFK was forced to make an emergency landing in Kansas City after an unruly passenger was deemed a threat to the crew for refusing to stop singing Whitney Houston songs.

Yup, you read that right!

Evidently the woman's singing was so horrendous they landed in Kansas City just to get her tone-deaf self off of the plane (a federal air marshal subdued her and put her in cuffs before landing...I bet they didn't want to know what Whitney would sound like as their ears popped on the way down!)

A fellow passenger shot footage of her being taken off of the plane during which she can be seen and heard singing "I Will Always Love You".

After being released from custody, the woman was reportedly refused service by American Airlines and had to make alternative travel arrangement to reach her final destination.

According to the spokesman, the passenger blamed her behavior on diabetes (someone get that woman a cookie - stat!).

My bet is that she just wanted to Dance With Somebody.  Or maybe she just needed time to Exhale?   Maybe she had a rough night sleep at Heartbreak Hotel?  

Whatever the case, It's Not Right, but It's Okay.

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Neighbor Rage

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a great weekend (and a fabulous Mother's Day for all you wonderful Mom's out there!)

I'm going to take a sec to put a few rumors to rest:

Yes, this blog is still active.

No, I didn't give up on it.

Yes, I've been in-cred-a-bla busy throughout the last couple of months.

Yes [mon], part of that was a vacation in Jamaica.

No, I did not come back with my entire head in braids (despite how badly I wanted to!)

Yes, Tough Mudder training is in full swing.  Two weeks!

...prior to tough mudder I will be in Barcelona, after I have two birthdays and two weddings so bottom line: blog posts will be slim for the forseeable future.  I will try to make those that I do publish good (read: awesome).  Quality not quantity, right!? :)

Okay, on with today's topic:  Road Neighbor rage.

It's 2013 which means when contemplating a move, you must check your potential future neighborhood for more than just sex offenders and crime rate.  Why, you ask?  

Two words:  Barry Swegle.

Barry Swegle, a Washington man, wreaked havoc in the small city of Port Angeles on Friday, after his brother, Jeff, says he grew incredibly frustrated over a fence a neighbor of his had installed. 

The fence was preventing Barry from moving his logging equipment in and out of his property.  I don't know if Barry is crazy or just needed to eat a cookie, but in either case, not being able to move his logging equipment in and out of his property made him a total crazy person.  

(Like someone else we know...)

 

Anyway.  Barry hopped in his bulldozer and decided to show his neighbors just how upset that darn fence made him.  He bulldozed four houses, a boat, a pickup truck and a power pole, knocking out power for thousands of area residents.  Oh, and he bulldozed the fence.

In a comment made to the news, Barry's brother said “I knew he was capable of tearing the fence out,” his brother said, “Not the homes and the power pole. I didn’t think he was that mad.”

Judgement Fail.

Police in Texas say the mother of a teenage boy who was shot in the leg by a friend turned to WebMD for help instead of driving her son to the hospital.

24-year-old Pete Rodriguez, who lives in the same Santa Fe house, was pointing the gun at the 14-year-old as part of an ill-conceived game.

Rodriguez tracked the kid's movements with the pistol before pulling the trigger and hitting him in the left thigh (really, kid!?).

The entire incident was caught on a surveillance camera installed inside the home (not creepy at all, although probably warranted with Pete living there).

Despite the shooting taking place around 6:30 PM on Tuesday, it wasn't until 2 AM on Wednesday that the boy's mother finally brought him to Mainland Medical Center for treatment.  Why, you ask!?  To my dismay, she had apparently spent the previous hours looking up "gunshot wound" on WebMD.

Seriously.

Hospital staff phoned the police to report the injury before transferring the teen to another hospital where he is currently recovering.

Who does that!?  Her son got shot.  By a gun.  With a bullet.  And she goes online.  Whhhhat!?

Don't Try This At Home

File this under "Straight-Up Cray Cray"

A 47-year-old Michigan woman developed a bone disease rarely seen in the U.S. after she drank a pitcher of tea made from at least 100 tea bags daily, for 17 years, researchers report.

A PITCHER OF 100 tea bags DAILY!!?  

For SEVENTEEN years?

How on EARTH did this woman ever stop peeing?

The Detroit woman visited the doctor after experiencing pain in her lower back, arms, legs and hips for five years.  

X-rays revealed areas of very dense bone on the spinal vertebrae and calcifications of ligaments in her arm, said study researcher Dr. Sudhaker D. Rao, a physician at Henry Ford Hospital who specializes in endocrinology and bone and mineral metabolism.

The researchers suspected the woman had skeletal fluorosis, a bone disease caused by consuming too much fluoride (a mineral found in tea, toothpaste, and drinking water).

Moral(s) of the story:

Moderation is key, kids.  Seriously.

Don't wait FIVE YEARS to go to the Doctor if you feel like something's up!

I love Kristen Wiig, even though she spells our name with an -e

Because Who Doesn't Love to Laugh

What Not To Do with $100k Worth of Jewelry

Leave it in your unlocked Benz in the parking lot of a condo complex in West Hollywood.

Julianne Hough, Ryan Seacrest's girlfriend (beard?) did just that and was horrified when she returned to her car and discovered the door open and the inside ransacked (the three pieces of jewelry obviously gone).

I'm sure Ryan can replace it with the money he makes filming ten minutes of Idol.

Maybe his next gift to her should be a better anti-theft system?

Think Spring

Just a few things I love about Spring. 

Bring it on!

Another Reason to Dislike Taylor Swift

...as if you needed one?

A Nashville resident named Kylee Francescan made a grisly discovery recently while disposing of some newspapers in a recycling dumpster: hundreds of letters, "covered with pictures, hearts, and sparkles" addressed to Taylor Swift.

It's true, kids.  The letters were fan mail.

Fearing the letters had perhaps been stolen (notably absent was the $10 wrapped in a tissue Taylor Swift's grandmother had sent her for Easter - horrible!) Kylee contacted a local news station in Nashville.

A reporter drove out to the location of Swift's PO Box where he was told that a rep for the singer periodically swings by to pick up her mail.

Swift's Spokeswoman explained that Swift's fan mail is delivered to her management office where it is opened, read, and recycled (i..e thrown away!).  They claimed any unopened mail in the dumpster was there by mistake.

How do hundreds of sparkly, glittered, lipstick-kissed letters get thrown out by mistake? 

I call B.S.  (and highly recommend her camp start burning them as opposed to throwing them out in a dumpster behind an elementary school where some of her little fans may actually spend their day).

Shame, Taylor!
 

When It Rains, It Freekin Pours

As a psychic once told my Mom, I'm a tough cookie. It takes an insane physical and/or mental beating (or a crazy amount of internalizing things) before I break. And that's with anything...work stress, life stress...everything.

I can somehow think and rethink, play and replay things, conversations, situations, what if's, etc. in my head until I'm blue in the face and all of the above will go 100% undetected even by the people that know me best.

It actually works to my advantage professionally as everyone I've ever worked for has complimented my poker face and ability to effectively communicate with even the most atrocious of human beings (unbeknownst up them I actually punched said humans in the face repeatedly...in my head of course).

My Mom is the strongest, most amazing woman I know so I'm confident that both my Sister and I get our strength from her.

I'm a little over a month into my new commute and admittedly, still adjusting. Here is what an average day looks like (only so you don't think I'm being a huge pansy):

4:30am: wake up
5:45am: leave house
614am: train to boston
6:15-7:20am: work from train
7:30am-530pm: office
5:40pm: train to car
6:35pm-7pm: drive home
715pm-9pm: dinner and /or gym

Rinse. Repeat x4

As you can imagine, come 9pm I'm toast. Throw in a glass of wine and you'd think I had NyQuil glazed chicken with a Tylenol PM garnish for dinner.

This week I was a bit on edge (read: borderline crazy person). Work has been insane, i haven't seen a treadmill since last weekend, and the weather has sucked.

When running to catch my train one night I fell victim to the devil wind tunnel in front of south station (literally), whacking my head and bruising my arm. I didn't even care about the damage, but that I had an hour ride home in wet clothes (I fell in a puddle, naturally).

Last night I got into my car, put my key in the ignition, and it broke into three pieces in my hand (WHO does that happen to?? No one. Ever). I had to wait for my knight in shining Mini to drive down to the train station with my spare key and rescue me.

I had a bit of a "Dee" moment (any "Its Always Sunny" fans in the house?) when I processed what had just happened but got it out of my system and was so happy and relieved to see him (and my key) when he got there.

And now, it's Friday. The evening where work email is ignored, the week is shaken off, and the cold beverage(s) of choice are enjoyed (bottle of white, anyone?)

Cheers!!!!

Penta-what?

I made it 26 years before I truly gave in and fell in love with Apple.

In fact, I was so anti-Apple that I distance ran with a CD player (CD PLAYER!) strapped to my hand for many years before I bit the bullet and upgraded to a Best Buy MP3 player (read: dropped the CD player mid-stride and trampled all over it when crossing a busy intersection). Whoops.

There is no denying that Apple is the cats meow. Their products are top of the line, cool, and intuitive. We pay out the nose to upgrade them because whatever tiny tweak they release is undoubtedly awesome and worth the paycheck (or two. or four).

I have an iPhone 4 (way behind the times, I know) that I dropped while trail running over the Summer. Unbeknownst to me at the time due to the protective case that I have on it, the drop shattered the back glass...to the point where when I tried to take the case off a few weeks later glass was falling into my lap. I shoved the case back on and it's been happily broken ever since.

Now that the mere thought of my case makes me want to throw it in a river, fetch it out, then run it over with my car (it's hot pink and I'm over it!) it became time yhis week to do something about it.

I decided to save my upgrade for the 6 (and you thought I was behind the times....pshhh) and replace the back cover myself.

I went on Amazon and ordered a package that supposedly came with the white glass, cleaning cloth (not necessary but okay) and proprietary screwdriver called a "pentalobe" because nothing that Apple ever does is easy to mess with and/or able to remedy at Lowes. (A pentalobe? If I get a probe in the mail I'm going to be pissed).

The back glass came in yesterday. I don't see the box on our front steps until this morning. Like 5am this morning. In an excited yet early morning fog I bring it in and open it.

It's the wrong freekin thing. It's the right size but grey and black- almost leopard looking.

I immediately misplace emotion on the poor seller at amazon and write him a little nasty gram asking him to ship the one I ordered and requesting a return slip to mail the jersey-esque one back (because, evidently after 9 months its NOW a priority...)

He wrote me back twenty minutes later and I nearly fell out of my seat (now that's customer service!)

His response was short and sweet:

"The black and grey that you see is a thick protective coating.


Peel it off."


Lessons learned today:
Don't be an idiot.
Don't open mail before 6am.
No matter how dark I dye my hair it won't hide the fact that I'm a natural blonde.

When Social Media & Bat Shit Crazy Family Collide

This post is about why you never want to trade places with a young man named Garrett Hand (aside from his horrible last name…almost as bad as Head.  True story.)

Garrett is 25.  He and his 25-year-old girlfriend flew from California to South America for a 4 month bike trip.

Prior to leaving, they informed family and friends that they'd be without internet or cell phone access for extended periods of time given that they planned to travel through jungles and rain forests. 

Away they went.

Sure enough, they traveled out of range towards the end of January as they began a trek through their first rainforest.  When February 1st rolled around and they were still out of range, Garrett's Mom (Mom Hand) lost her damn mind (and evidently recollection of the no internet/phone access warning) and demanded the Peruvian government launch a full-scale search for the couple who she believed to be missing all because they hadn't responded to her Facebook post in over a week.

While the happy couple rode bikes, hiked trails, and ate leaves, Mom Hand caused an international incident as the government issued a nationwide alert for the 'missing' (read: having a hippie blast) couple.

Within days, the U.S. Embassy in Peru called Garrett's Mom to tell her that the couple had been spotted - very alive and having a blast.  They were en route to a town called Naplo which is a 15 day journey (why, kids, why!?)

Well, that wasn't enough for Mom Hand.  She demanded to see proof of life!  So much so that the tourism ministry made plans to send a hydroplane (HYDROPLANE!) into No Man's land to shoot video of them frolicking through the forest - I'd argue only to keep tourism from dropping faster than The Hasslehoffs ratings (thanks, Jess!).

Long story short, the Peruvian government dragged them away from their fun and onto the closest military base so they could call Mom Hand and put her out of her misery.  They reassured her that although they haven't "liked" any statuses recently, they were in fact alive and well and having a blast in an area without electricity, internet, or phone service.

Mom Hand instantly felt better and said she couldn't wait to "see them walk off of the plane and into her arms."

While on base, Garrett's girlfriend posted a status update calling the amount of attention that she and her boyfriend had received "%$#%@$# insane" and added "I may delete my Facebook when I get home."

..ya think?

How To Properly Use a Foam Roller

True story:  I aboslutely LOVE foam rolling.

It's one of those 'hurts so good' massage techniques that makes a colossal difference (and to Steph's point...it becomes less painful as time goes on!)

Here is an awesome infographic that Greatist created explaining this wonderful tool:

...and The Oscar Goes To...

Bradley Cooper

...for being a total gentleman and running over to help J. Law recover from her fall up the steps...

We heart you, BC!

WHICH WAY IS HOLLYWOOD TURNS ONE!

Get your party hats on!

It's hard to believe that it was a year ago today when I wrote WWIH's first post introducing myself, my journey, and my unfinished book that this crazy blog was spun from.

It began a place for me to archive and reflect on my memories, personal growth, and life lessons from 6 years as an "Angelino" and the trials and tribulations that came with that lifestyle. 

Over the last six months or so I've moved away from looking back and have been living (read: posting) on all things here and now.  It's been quite fun, and has resulted in some of the most random, entertaining tales of everyday life.  

I don't focus solely on health and fitness, food, tech, make-up, fashion, film reviews, or cat videos.  

My blog is like a box of [virtual] chocolates...you never know what will show up in your inbox. 

Hopefully not the kind with the pastel colored cream in the middle that you only nibble enough to figure out the color and put back in the box for no one to eat.  Ever.

That said, I'd like to take a second to thank a few of my loyal readers for giving me a kick in the True Religions when I lose motivation to write:

My Mom, who has lived and re-lived all of my memories (a million times!) yet still laughs and cries with me and somehow manages to find me interesting!  Thank you for all of your love, support, encouragement, and high tolerance for TMI :-)

My Schwester, and resident editor who I rely on to inform me when a post is too mushy, lame, or riddled with spelling and auto-correct errors so I can fix it before anyone else notices. You deserve a meddle, Schwes! ;-)

Mimi, with her amazing memory who mentions her favorite stories or comments at a family dinner sometimes weeks later!

Justin, for being an early supporter and the first of my friends to subscribe to updates via email, and for telling me how much he enjoys reading my crazy brain drain day after day!

And last but certainly not least, Stacy, for being WWIH's #1 fan on Facebook. I love seeing your Like's and responses - you crack me up!

As far as the name of this blog is concerned, Which Way is Hollywood was one of many on my list of considerations.  

A few of the rejects included:

I Love You, LA.  I'm Just Not in Love With You

I Chased Jessica Simpson Through Beverly Hills and All I Got Was This Crappy Blog

Where Oh Where Have All The Straight Men Gone?

In The Name of The Father, The Son, and the Holy-wood Hills

Eff You AND Your Prius

The 405 to the 5 to the 10 to the 101

Needless to say, Which Way is Hollywood stuck.

And as for the question itself...I've decided that Hollywood is where you make it.

My ridiculously large sunglasses, high heels, and [future] purse dog are agnostic to coast, climate, and proximity to those famous white letters on the hill.

Especially when you can just keep a platinum blonde wig in your trunk for spontaneous Californian mirror pics and game nights...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your love and support.

Here's to another crazy/fabulous/beautiful year of unexpected adventures!

100 days 'til Tough Mudder!

‎Must find 10 mile ski slope.  

And another fire to jump over.

Stat.

Blowing Off Steam

Have you ever had one of those horrible, no good very bad days where you hit the office chocolate before 10am and are willing your water bottle to turn into a vodka martini by 11am?

Today was one of those days.

Alas, it is now 6:10pm and I am on my way home. 

Win!

The train collectors actually collected tickets for the SECOND time this week, and, ironically, for the second time since I sent a nasty-gram to the MBTA two days ago.

What?  I refuse to keep buying monthly passes if they are never going to check them! 

Double win.

Did I misplace some emotion on the poor guy at the MBTA who's inbox my note graced?  Yes, but for what it's worth I'm quite proud of myself for deleting the sentence that told him where his missing Ethernet cable is!

Over the last couple of months I have come to realize that marathon training really messed with the therapeutic benefits that I used to reap from running.  Prior to training, I could hit the gym when stressed, run five miles, and leave feeling like a whole new person.  As I got into the throws of training and my mileage increased, so did my threshold for that therapy.  12, 14, and 16 mile runs became therapeutic.  Five mile runs were (and still are) as therapeutic as walking from my desk to the water cooler and back (maybe even add an epic wedgie to that).

Needless to say, I need something more physically demanding than running at the gym to work the stress of each week off.  Until the weather gets a little better and I can start training for my next marathon (yes, I'm a fair weather trainer - judge if you will), I had to find something.  Stat.

So.  I did.

Today I bought a five class package to our local ilovekickboxing.com location.   Check out their site.  It's super high intensity kickboxing combined with muy thai and martial arts.  (And did I mention they are giving me a FREE pair of boxing gloves!?) 

I already feel like a badass and I haven't even punched anything yet.

I will give a full report after my first class so long as I don't break any knuckles or accidentally get punched in the face, in which case it may be a few days later.

Epic Flash Mob Fail - Boston, MA

When Hydration Backfires

This may be TMI, but, I have the bladder of an 80 year old.

Truth be told, I am big into hydrating. I have a personal theory that if a bunch of friends and I were ever stranded on a desert island I'd be the first to kick it since I'd dehydrate a lot faster than anyone else due to the abundance of water and herbal teas that my body has come to know as the norm.

Combine this with my pea-sized bladder and, well, you get mornings like this morning.

Normally I'm pretty good about holding it, especially when it matters.  My coworkers make fun of me for demanding an aisle seat for a flight as short as one hour but they know I'll get up at least twice between take off and touch down.

I took some tea-to-go this morning (lemon zinger...mmm!). It was gone about 40 minutes into my commute when I realized that I was rapidly approaching emergency status. I was three quick train stops from my final destination but the closer I got the worse I had to go (hate when this happens).  It got to the point where I was playing through the different scenarios deciding what would be more embarrassing:

Peeing my pants on the train

Peeing my pants on the platform of South Station

Let's take a step back here...peeing my pants in general

Then I thought how all of the above would royally mess up my morning...I'll have to walk all the way to TJ's, find a decent pair of replacement, well, everything from the waist down.  Go to CVS, buy shower stuff, go to the gym, shower...  I did previously mention that I'm an over thinker- yes?

Anyhow.  In sheer panic, I jumped off of the train a stop early and accidentally walked the wrong way on the platform leading to a street-only exit.  I nearly cried when I realized there was no platform access.  I turned around and started the may as well be 3 mile trek back to the platform exit thinking about how crazy I must have looked, practically sprinting in heels with closed fists.  

Low and behold, I made it...barely.  I then proceeded to accidentally get on the Orange line in the WRONG direction.  Got off.  Switched sides.  Took it to the red line, and took that to my final destination.

Tea:  $4.99

Commuter Rail Ticket, One-Way:  $10

Orange Line:  $2.25

Not peeing your pants in public:  Priceless

Thursday Pain Scale

Travel Impaired

Weird stuff happens to me when I travel.

I make friends I never wanted. 

Business men booty call my office line at midnight after taking my business card at a trade show demo station earlier in the day.

I get stuck next to the ONE mouth-breather in the world that eats a party-size bag of FUNYONS (fried onion flavored rings) before falling asleep on my shoulder during our 10 hour flight to London.

And I somehow miss trains while sitting right there in the depot waiting for them.

Today, my friends, has been no exception.   Let's recap my day thus far, shall we?

Get up at 6.  Have a conference call from 7-8.  Drive to Logan Airport from 9-10.  Get X-rayed, pat down, and chemical checked all because the butt pockets on my jeans have metal studs on them (can't make this stuff up) and hop on my flight to Atlanta.

A colleague of mine throws his company credit card down at drink time and says "it's on me. live a little".  A personal challenge (obviously), I order a chardonnay (5pm somewhere?).

Chardonnay comes in a small plastic bottle.  Says Something-Or-Other Farm on it with a date of 2011.  Might as well be Mary's Pee 2013.   I'm pretty sure Mary, the flight attendant, peed in that little bottle en route to Boston, refrigerated it, and served it up to me here and now.  That said, it's cold and has a bit of an oak taste to it so...down the hatch it goes.

I connect to the in-flight wifi and start emailing my friends from 30,000 feet with an added altitude-wooze (read:  Mary Pee buzz) before an hour later goes by and Mr First Class Flight Attendant drops by and says:

Him: Is that white wine your drinking?
Me: :::contemplates making a pee joke:::: Yes. Yes it is.
Him:  Here :::hands me another glass of white::: Have some of "the good stuff" from first class
Me:  :::look at him confused:::
:::inspect wine for roofies:::
::::remember that roofies go undedetected::::
::::smile::::
:::::thank him:::::

Cheers...to hitting enough traffic en route to our evening meeting to regain some normalcy :-)

When All Else Fails...Wait Longer

This just in:

Fox Pushes Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy "The Heat" Comedy to Heart of Summer

Fox is pushing the comedy's release back by nearly THREE MONTHS, from April 5 to June 28 -- the eve of the lucrative July 4th holiday. "The film is playing through the roof in test screenings," one studio insider says. 

Oh man!!!  I guess we'll just have to play out the trailer until then ;-)

 Boom!

Ashton Kutcher’s Steve Jobs Movie Makeup

The magic of Hollywood makeup artists at work.  Wow.

Awkward Panera Encounter

I decided on Panera for dinner last night since I have nothing in my fridge or cabinets other than baking ingredients, condiments, and hash browns. I'm normally much better about this but I'm moving in two days and have been trying to avoid buying more stuff that will have to be packed and moved. (Not to mention, Panera's creamy tomato soup is AMAZING!)

I was pleasantly surprised at how dead it was and quickly got in line behind the thirty-ish blonde with the designer bag (I cant help myself) who was ordering.

As I went to stand behind her a thirty-ish guy walked towards me. I couldn't tell if he was in line and I cut him (although he already had a drink in his hand), if he was trying to cut me, or if he was just plain crazy.

In an effort to assess his situation, I looked at him and he immediately started to talk to me. Here is how our conversation went:

Him: That's a nice coat.
Me: Thanks.
Him: What brand is it?
Me: Michael Kors
(Total lie...word vomit. It came out faster than I could process and I immediately thought to myself, "No it's not!". Truth is, I couldn't remember who made it but I know I got it at a fancy store and MK is one of my fav fancy bags so...)
Him: Michael Cane?
Me: No. Kors (I was too deep into my lie to correct myself now)
Him: Oh. I thought you said Cane.
Me: No. ::awkward, as I wonder what the HELL the blonde in front of me is ordering and why it's taking so long:::
Him: My Sister's birthday is coming up.  I want to buy her a jacket but I can't find anything that isn't too puffy. I don't want to get her anything too big because she's...a little...thick.

Oh. My. God.

I don't know how or why but I always wind up in these horribly awkward situations and as always, it was about to get worse.

The blonde that was ordering must have heard the tail end of his rambling because she swung around, looked at me and yelled "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!???!" with a horrified look on her face.

I was stunned.

Before I could say anything she redirected her gaze (and tone) to the guy, who was evidently with her.
It was clear that she was talking to him (I take it he does this a lot) and was embarrassed by him being a Chatty Cathy telling the world about his thick sister.

Or maybe, she was his Sister!??

I didn't stick around to find out. The register was now open so I ducked out of the weirdness, ordered my soup and salad and got the heck out of there as fast as I could.


What are some of your best weird or awkward stranger encounters?

Commuting Conundrum

Okay.  I've written about this before and realize it might be borderline bat-shit-crazy for me to bring it up again but hear me out:

Like everyone, I work hard for my money.  I live outside the city and spend over 10 hours and $260 a month commuting in via subway.

I work out at an ungodly hour as to allot enough wiggle room in my commute time for the inevitable public transpo blunders, including but not limited to:

• traffic getting to the T station
• parking garage ticket paper jam
• pot-hole dodgem on the 2nd floor of the garage
• broken escalator
• and the only line capable of being longer than the DMV: train station Dunks (only when my level of tired hits 'desperate')

I put up with all of the above because I am a well adjusted human being and understand that commuting anywhere on anything is a PITA.  That said, I expect my $260/month to go towards improving all things associated with the MBTA to at least try to make 7-8am of Monday thru Friday more pleasant.  Here is where I'm confident my money isn't going:

1.  The tracks.  For the love of God, just rip them up and put new ones down.  Even the NYC subway makes less noise than ours.

2.  The subway P.A. system.  Some days it's so low I feel like I spontaneously went deaf upon sitting down.  The other days I'd honestly prefer that the conductor walk through the train car and punch me in the face to remind me to get off of the T than the alternative - which is to be scared out of my skin by the high volume crackle of the speaker followed by an ear piercing "SOUTH STATION NEXT STOP IS SOUTH STATION CHANGE HEAH FOR THE SALVAH LINE BUS SERVICE TO LOGAN EAHPORT DOORS OPEN ON THE RIGHT ELEVATAS TO YOUR LEFT MIND THE GAP HAVE A CRAPPY DAY WHY AM I YELLING?"

3.  The bathrooms.  For the sake of the MBTA I won't disclose the location of this one in particular, but you can't tell me that their bathrooms are in any way, shape, or form being touched by our tax or commuter dollars.  Here is the better of the two stalls:

Where's the stale bread and shackles?

 Righties are in luck - they get to pull from fancy blue rope.

Sorry lefties.  Evidently you're only trusted enough to pull from a chained and padlocked roll of 1 ply.

 Let's not ignore the ETHERNET CABLE that's holding the paper towels.

...or the high-tech security tissue that's been stuffed into the hole in the door so the person waiting actually has to knock rather than look in and tell you to hurry up.

Do you commute?  Have any funny/scary/unsettling experiences of your own?
Do you think I should tweet the pic of the paper towels to the MBTA and ask where my money is going?

"Cabs ah heah!"

Let me start this post off by saying that I by no means want to offend anyone when I say that everyone hates Jersey, but let's be honest...

Everyone has had one of those...roll up the windows...make armpit-of-America joke moments when in, near, or speaking of New Jersey.

And the show "Jersey Shore" certainly didn't improve its reputation:

Prior to this weekend, it had been years since I've driven through Jersey and can honestly say I was okay with that. 

My boyfriend and I packed up the car and left at 4am on Saturday morning to drive to Philly to visit my best friend & her husband for the weekend. 

We use a GPS app called Waze when we travel which typically never let's us down (except for when it unnecessarily puts us on the Pike....grrr). Because of this (and the fact that we primarily use it to navigate the Boston and Providence areas) I have it set to avoid toll roads at all costs.

It wasn't until we were sitting at red lights in the slums of Jersey that we realized my epic fail to check this setting before leaving home.

We found ourselves meandering through 13+ mile stretches of road with lights and shopping plazas every half mile (which, to my dismay, were closed).  Let's not even talk about the the dreadful, median-ridden Jersey Turnpike that caused my otherwise even-tempered, rational (did I mention dapper?) boyfriend to punch the steering wheel and yell, "I (@*&#^ hate New Jersey!!!!"as we cruised past our exit not once, not twice, but THREE times due to our handy-dandy GPS putting us on the wrong side of the Turnpike Median.

(NOTE:  Stock Image - NOT my boyfriend)

In a knee-jerk attempt to comfort him, I told him that EVERYONE hates New Jersey and that Waze is stupid (No hard feelings, Waze.  I still heart you.)

Share your best (read: worst) Jersey moments below!

Honesty - A Lucrative Policy?

The phrase "honesty is the best policy" probably wasn't coined by someone trying to land a job on Wall Street.  But one finance major from an "average university" decided to give frankness a shot in his cover letter to a "boutique investment bank" where he was hoping to land a summer internship.

Check it out:

My name is [redacted] and I am an undergraduate finance student at [redacted]. I met you the summer before last at Smith & Wollensky's in New York when I was touring the east coast with my uncle, [redacted]. I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk with me that night.

I am writing to inquire about a possible summer internship in your office. I am aware it is highly unusual for undergraduates from average universities like [redacted] to intern at [redacted], but nevertheless I was hoping you might make an exception. 

I am extremely interested in investment banking and would love nothing more than to learn under your tutelage. I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing. In all honesty, I just want to be around professionals in the industry and gain as much knowledge as I can. 

I won't waste your time inflating my credentials, throwing around exaggerated job titles, or feeding you a line of crap (sic) about how my past experiences and skill set align perfectly for an investment banking internship. 

The truth is I have no unbelievably special skills or genius eccentricities, but I do have a near perfect GPA and will work hard for you. I've interned for Merrill Lynch in the Wealth Management Division and taken an investment banking class at [redacted], for whatever that is worth.

I am currently awaiting admission results for [redacted] Masters of Science in Accountancy program, which I would begin this fall if admitted. I am also planning on attending law school after my master's program, which we spoke about in New York. 

I apologize for the blunt nature of my letter, but I hope you seriously consider taking me under your wing this summer. I have attached my resume for your review. Feel free to call me at [redacted] or email at [redacted]. Thank you for your time.

The letter quickly went viral as iBanks coast to coast admired his honest audacity and were intrigued to learn more about him...proving once again, that honesty (and sticking your neck out there every once in a while) truly pays off!

Happy Wednesday!

Mannequin-phobes, Beware.

Store mannequins are meant to catch your eye.  Soon you may catch theirs.

Fashion brands are deploying mannequins equipped with technology used to identify criminals at airports to watch over shoppers in their stores. Retailers are introducing the EyeSee, sold by Italian mannequin maker Almax SpA, to glean data on customers much as online merchants are able to do.

Five companies are using a total of “a few dozen” of the mannequins with orders for at least that many more, Almax Chief Executive Officer Max Catanese said. The 4,000-euro ($5,130) device has spurred shops to adjust window displays, store layouts and promotions to keep consumers walking in the door and spending.

“It’s spooky,” said Luca Solca, head of luxury goods research at Exane BNP Paribas in London. “You wouldn’t expect a mannequin to be observing you.”

The EyeSee looks ordinary enough on the outside, with its slender polystyrene frame, blank face and improbable pose. Inside, it’s no dummy. A camera embedded in one eye feeds data into facial-recognition software like that used by police. It logs the age, gender, and race of passers-by.

Demand for the device shows how retailers are turning to technology to help personalize their offers as growth slows in the $245 billion luxury goods industry. Bain & Co. predicts the luxury market will expand 5 percent in 2012, less than half last year’s rate.

“Any software that can help profile people while keeping their identities anonymous is fantastic,” said Uché Okonkwo, executive director of consultant Luxe Corp. It “could really enhance the shopping experience, the product assortment, and help brands better understand their customers.”
While some stores deploy similar technology to watch shoppers from overhead security cameras, the EyeSee provides better data because it stands at eye level and invites customer attention, Almax contends.

The mannequin, which went on sale last December and is now being used in three European countries as well as the US, has led one outlet to adjust its window displays after revealing that men who shopped in the first two days of a sale spent more than women, according to Almax.

Canine Plastic Surgery Advertised on Billboard in Los Angeles

Could your dog use a puppy lift?

 

Is your dog a total "dog"? So asks this billboard spotted in Los Angeles, purportedly offering canine plastic surgery from one Dr. Steven Armond. 

It turns out it's a promotion for Kroll Show, an upcoming sketch-comedy show on Comedy Central starring Nick Kroll.

[insert sigh of relief here]

An Angel's Diet

Model Adriana Lima's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show diet lands her on CNN 360's RidicuList.  

Why, you ask?

I'll give you a hint:   it involves powdered egg shakes and severe dehydration.  

Learn more, here:

(then immediately eat a cookie)

Warms My Heart

Amidst news of school shootings, rabies-infested bobcats, and a ravaging strain of Flu, this morning's Yahoo Games feature made my heart a little lighter.

Meet Luka Apps:

A seven-year-old who spent his Christmas money on the LEGO Ninjago Ultra Sonic Raider set. A sound investment for a young boy.  But the thing about LEGOs -- those small pieces are easy to lose.

Against his father's recommendation, young Luka took his newly procured Jay ZX shopping. And then, wouldn't you know it, the figure went missing, never to be seen again.

Luka, not one to admit defeat, decided to write a letter to the fine people at LEGO seeking a replacement.

Here is what he sent:

Hello.
My name is Luka Apps and I am seven years old.
With all my money I got for Christmas I bought the Ninjago kit of the Ultrasonic Raider. The number is 9449. It is really good.
My Daddy just took me to Sainsburys and told me to leave the people at home but I took them and I lost Jay ZX at the shop as it fell out of my coat.
I am really upset I have lost him. Daddy said to send you a email to see if you will send me another one.
I promise I won't take him to the shop again if you can.
– Luka

A short time later, Luka received a reply from Richard, a LEGO customer service representative.

Richard wrote that he had spoken to Sensei Wu, a master from the  Ninjago line.

Luka, I told Sensei Wu that losing your Jay minifigure was purely an accident and that you would never ever ever let it happen ever again.

He told me to tell you, "Luka, your father seems like a very wise man. You must always protect your Ninjago minifigures like the dragons protect the Weapons of Spinjitzu!"

Sensei Wu also told me it was okay if I sent you a new Jay and told me it would be okay if I included something extra for you because anyone that saves their Christmas money to buy the Ultrasonic Raider must be a really big Ninjago fan.

So, I hope you enjoy your Jay minifigure with all his weapons. You will actually have the only Jay minifigure that combines 3 different Jays into one! I am also going to send you a bad guy for him to fight!

Just remember, what Sensei Wu said: keep your minifigures protected like the Weapons of Spinjitzu! And of course, always listen to your dad.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how companies score lifelong customers.

Creative spectators are the best!

Beware of Bobcat

A picture was posted online yesterday of a man with pretty serious scratches on his face. Intrigued, I read the article.

Turns out the man lives in a rather woodsy area of Massachusetts. The other day he went out to this garage to get a set of cables for his neighbor. He heard a hiss sound upon opening the door and the next thing he knew a giant Bobcat jumped out from behind his car and attacked him, biting his face and scratching his back. In a panic, the guy started to yell and run towards the yard through his open garage door.

Hearing commotion, the guy's Wife and 15 year old nephew come running into the yard. No sooner do they arrive the bobcat jumps on the 15 year old and starts attacking him (true story).

Nothing sends, well, anyone, into more of a red-eyed fury than a child being hurt. The guy and his wife grab the bobcat off of the 15 year old, pin it to the ground, and shoot it.

With a gun.

The article ended pretty abruptly after that happy(?) ending just stating that all three of them are being treated for rabies since its likely that the bobcat was infected based on its erratic behavior.

My question is, where the heck did the guy get the gun (in general, and so quickly) and where on Earth does he target practice. I mean, a bobcat isn't that big and he had the added stress of both he an his wife being in close range as they pinned it down.

At the end of the day I'm glad that the three of them are okay and are expected to make a full recovery.

But let this be a lesson to the 15 year old to never play hide and seek in that garage!
His poor Uncle has had enough surprises for the year.

Sandy Bullock...I Love You

Check out the trailer for her latest film below. 

 'Nough said.
(Except maybe to ignore the 'cute dog and cat' ad in the video.  Weird.)

Thank You For Your Email...

[A special thanks to PP for for sharing this gem!]

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan...

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
quarter coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send the link to this blog post to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told via e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet...

Boston Ranks Drunkest City of 2012

In Boston, 20% of our population is classified as binge drinkers, drinking an average of 15.6 alcoholic drinks a month.

Boston bartenders and local news reporters cater to the drinking crowd by maintaining popular blogs Straight Up and 99 Bottles, which cover the art of making cocktails and drinking craft beer, respectively.

Maybe if it weren't 4 degrees out we wouldn't feel the need to warm from the inside out?

Just sayin'

Worst Mom of 2013...So Far

Seriously.

An 8-year-old boy wanted to look at a Mustang on the computer.  His Mom let him look on eBay opposed to doing a Google image search like a normal person.  You can probably guess what happened next.

The boy almost purchased the $50,000 car on the auction site, on accident. 

To teach him in lesson, his mother pretended he accidentally bought it and it couldn't be returned. She recorded the incident and posted it to YouTube, naturally.
 
In the video, the mom tricks her son by telling him he bought the car, adding that his family would have to sell everything.  He cries, saying, "I'm horrible," but after about a minute of misery, she tells him the truth and they both laugh.

Check out the video, here:

The comments on the video range from applause to outrage at the mother's actions.

You Forgot, What!?

After staying in a hotel, one should always, always, always do one final sweep of the room to make sure they're not forgetting anything.

The bathroom. 
Under the bed. 
The safe.

 ....no stone should be left unturned.

I've never left anything in a hotel room thanks to this rule.  Airplanes, however, are a different story.

U.K. hotel chain Travelodge published a really interesting article on the most unusual things that guests have left behind.  The budget chain operates 527 properties and welcomes 13 million guests every year.

A set of breast implants was one of the unusual items left behind.  You read that right!  Some of the other forgotten items included a Persian Chinchilla kitten worth about $975.

 

The kitty was staying at the Birmingham Airport Travelodge while participating in a cat show. The hotel chain says "the owner was in such a dash to get to the show that she forgot the cat box containing Porsha. (How perfect is that name for a show cat?  I feel the need to say it in a super-snobby accent, even in my head).  En-route to the venue the woman realized as the car journey was very quiet that she had forgotten her cat.  She went back and got it.

 

A Rolex watch, a set of false teeth with diamonds (bling blang!), the original Harry Potter wand that was used in the "Harry Potter" films and an 8-foot pop-up spray tanning booth were among the other items.  Travelodge said the women who left the spray tan booth behind at the Basildon Wickford Travelodge were so busy "nursing their hangovers" that they neglected to notice they had left it (at least they had a sweet, orange glow to go with their migraines).

One of the most popular items left behind?  Teddy bears. 76,500 of them to be exact. "Fifty Shades of Grey" was the most popular book left behind, with 7,000 copies discarded (perv alert!).

And those implants? They were left at the Newcastle Central Travelodge. The guest was en route to London for a cosmetic operation. She had purchased the implants from a U.S. seller, according to the hotel chain.  Can you imagine the disappointment when she arrived at the doctor without her boobs?  Talk about feeling deflated.  

Ba-dum-chh!

Dumb Criminals - Vol 1

We've all seen the reality shows a la Tru TV that highlight dumb criminals, yes?

Please allow me to introduce you to the latest:

 Zachariah Dalton Howard

This 22-year old country bumpkin attempted to rob a convenience store in Florida, telling the clerk he had a gun.  For whatever reason, the register till was empty (either the clerk was REALLY good at magic or Zachy baby chose a horrible store to rob).  Regardless, Zach left, walking (yes, walking) to another convenience store nearby where he phoned his Mom for a ride home.

"Hi, Mom?  Umm.  I just had an epic fail robbing a convenience store and catching a cab home isn't going to pan out after all.  Can you come pick me up?"

According to the police report, Howard told authorities that he initially left his mom’s home to “let off some steam” and didn’t actually set out to rob the store but “came up with the idea while walking there.”

As authorities deemed Howard did not in fact bring a gun into the store, he was formally charged with “attempted robbery without a weapon.”

Sigh.

2013

Happy New Year!!!

Let's pledge to get 2013 right.

No looking back. No wondering 'what if'. No living in the past, or for the future. Be present.

Ttake and make each day the best you can. Stress less. Love more. Take chances!

Accept that which you cannot change and know that you give each day and everything that you do your best and that tomorrow is another chance to try again.

Cheers!

Which Are You Most Excited For...

when you head to the movies? 

The previews?  The movie itself?  The overpriced concession snacks?

Most kids (and okay, some adults) might say the snacks. 

Not me, of course, since I'm a horrible member of society and have been sneaking my own popcorn/water/candy into the movies since I was old enough to go.  I've actually become quite skilled at it.  My boyfriend and I went to see The Hobbit a few weeks ago where I managed to sneak via my big, blue borse our two hot, open (don't try this at home, kids!) coffees and some homemade cookies. That's talent, people.


Let's face it - bringing your own snacks saves money.  It also saves time and decreases your chances of getting stuck with front row seats that are 5 people and a handbag apart because you were stuck in the lobby behind a braces-clad tween who can't decide if he should wash his Sour Patch Kids and Raisinets down with a Coke or Slurpee.

It should come as no surprise that "theater food" is probably one of the worst things in the world for you (but by God does theater popcorn smells amazing). 

I did some research on the truth about movie theater snacks and found the following facts quite interesting:

A large popcorn with butter has 1500 calories.  That's about the same as 3 Big Macs.

A large soda has the equivalent amount of sugar as 25 Oreo cookies.

A typical snack combo - medium popcorn, medium soda, and one candy item- has more fat, carbs, and salt than what one is supposed to consume in an entire day.

There is a reason the theaters hate people like me:  They make more money on concessions than they do on ticket sales.  A $4.75 bad of popcorn costs them about 15 cents.

Let's switch gears to International waters for a sec.  Do you hate the smell of warm popcorn in the  theater?  It could be worse: 
In the Caribbean, fish cakes are all the rage!  They sell them in the lobby and it's as popular as popcorn is here. 
In Korea, it's dried cuttlefish. 
In India, samosas.  

I'm not going to lie...the thought of sitting in warm theater smelling curry for 2 hours makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

I think I should open a yuppie theater that sells smoothies, almond milk lattes, wheatgrass shots, and fresh fruit and veggie cups. 

Takers?  Anyone?  Bueller?